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The Battle of Trabajo Final

May 4, 2011

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Emily. She was slave to the Great Professor who forced her to write research papers for him to read. She had no breaks, little food, and a constant headache.

One day, the Great Professor told Emily to write the biggest of all research papers. It was to be eight pages long, written entirely in Spanish, and have seven sources. She worked diligently, and at the end of three long days, she determined that it was complete.
But the evil monster, Virusicula, had a very different idea.

While Emily went to look up one final piece of knowledge, he raped her laptop, giving it all sorts of horrible STDs. Then, because he’s one sneaky son-of-a-bitch, he came back disguised as Lady Vista Anti-Virus, offering to track down the evil rapist monster *and* cure her laptop’s STDs – all for the low price of $99.99!

Emily saw right through his disguise. She called upon her protector, Lord William Snoopy-Miller, to chase away the evil monster. Using the power of his ingenious weapon, le Wifi, Lord William cast spell after spell at Virusicula.
But Virusicula was very powerful, and his friend, the Duke of Energy, stepped in to aid him in the battle. The Duke demolished le Wifi, leaving Lord William powerless.
Emily fled to her home, mourning the tragic loss of her protector, and fearing the wrath of the Great Professor should she be unable to finish the research paper.
Just then, she felt a faint chill about her. She called out, fearing that another of Virusicula’s henchmen had come to give her laptop more STDs. Yet, instead she heard the voice of Lord William. She looked about and saw no sight of him, but she could hear his voice clearly on the wind, telling her the spells she would need to destroy Virusicula forever.

Just then Virusicula popped up out of nowhere. Emily cast her first spell, and it left him paralyzed and unable to fight back. Then Emily began a series of long-winded spells, each one diminishing his power little by little. By the end of the next day, Emily cast her last spell, banishing Virusicula back into the virtual realm.

But her terror was not yet over. The Great Professor still wanted his research paper, and it was due in less than three hours. Emily stuggled, using all of her strength, to produce a paper like the one that the evil Virusicula had destroyed.
When the Great Professor arrived, she had not finished. There were only four pages where there should have been eight, and only five sources where there should have been seven.

The Great Professor grimaced, called to his guards, and ordered them to chop off her foot.
Emily fought against the guards, trying desperately to explain to the Great Professor why her paper was not complete. Just as the ax grazed her ankle, the Duke of Energy burst through the door.

He was remorseful for aiding Virusicula by destroying the great and powerful weapon, le Wifi. The Duke then gladly signed a report attesting to his guilt in the missing paper, and with that kind of documentation, the Great Professor could no longer remove Emily’s foot.

The End


11 Comments leave one →
  1. May 4, 2011 9:53 pm

    Love it! Glad you were able to persevere.

  2. May 4, 2011 9:58 pm

    No fair! I was going to send you a special link since you were featured πŸ™‚ Thanks so much for all the help, by the way.

    • May 4, 2011 10:19 pm

      Not a problem at all. Glad the Duke of Energy came through for you.

  3. lifewith4cats permalink
    May 4, 2011 11:29 pm

    hahah What if the Great Professor sees this and learns that his evil plans to cut off your foot is known to the world?

    This is a tale worthy of tales, all that is missing was rumplestiltskin.

    • May 5, 2011 12:02 am

      If my professor finds my blog, I’m going to have more to worry about than my foot! I had to balance out all the wonderful things I’ve said about his attractiveness by making him the villain in this post.

      Also – I really did wake up this morning with a large gash on my ankle, and I can’t think of how I could have gotten it. So obviously the logical answer is that my foot was almost removed as punishment for my academic sins.


  4. May 4, 2011 11:34 pm

    Great story! I was on the edge of my seat, hoping little Emily would win in the end.

    • May 5, 2011 12:03 am

      Thanks! I have to admit though, I almost killed her. But then I wondered what psychiatrists would say about that and thought maybe I shouldn’t go there… πŸ˜‰

  5. mjcache permalink
    May 7, 2011 12:20 am

    You are totally demented… I absolutely love that.
    A kindred spirit.

  6. May 13, 2011 9:41 am

    That is seriously messed up in the head. I really like it. How creative!!! Do you make those images yourself? Really cool!


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