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Forever in Neverland: Part Two

August 3, 2011

First, a quick update: I’ve decided that instead of selfishly posting whenever I feel like it, I’m going to start doing it on a regular schedule. Off-colors and extra posts will still be randomly added, but the main weekly post will now be put online each Wednesday! It only seemed appropriate to choose Hump-day.
Be sure to tune in each Wednesday for your weekly dose of P.O.R.N.!
Now back to our regularly scheduled programming (I get to say that now!!!).


A lot of people my age lie to make themselves older. These were the same kids who enjoyed birthday parties, looked forward to going places without their parents, and couldn’t wait to be done with school. Also known as virtually everyone in the world but me.


Because I, on the other hand, lie to make myself younger.


It was hard, at first. With my so-called “21-year-old” friends surrounding me, it was very difficult to convince them I’d only be turning 18 last December. They resisted my antics, pointing out that I had signed a contract, that I had a credit card, and that I was a sophomore in college. Then I had them over to my house, and once they’d seen my room, they began to falter in their resolve. By the time my party rolled around, they were convinced.


I am going to be the best age-lier in history. My gravestone won’t even know what to say.



Because the fact is that when complete strangers guess my age, they always think I’m an underclassman in high school. And once they catch wind of my favorite things, I’d prefer that they think I’m an underclassman in high school.


Last Friday I went to a Taylor Swift concert.


I honest to God had the best night ever. It can only be outshone by actually meeting her. Or my wedding. Because she will be singing at it.



Even if it means I’m getting married barefoot in the woods, without any guests, and wearing a garbage bag, she will be there.


First off, it was fantasmagorical just because it was Taylor Swift. She and I are super best buddies (she just doesn’t know it yet). I only discovered her music in November, but since then I have memorized the lyrics to all three of her albums.


Second, the tickets that I thought were for the crappiest, most limited-view seats possible actually landed me ten feet from the side section of the stage. When I saw, I almost peed my skirt.



After enduring two hours of her sock-stuffed and arrogant but amazingly talented boy-toy opening acts, the goddess herself rose up onstage through a trapdoor. The cheers were absolutely deafening and I found myself hoping I’d still be able to hear the songs afterwards. She stood center stage for only a few minutes before turning and walking straight towards our end of the stage. The girl next to me began to hyperventilate and we all leaned forward, drawn closer like magnets.



The closer she got, the more transfixed I became, and by the time she stood firmly at our end of the stage, I did the thing I never thought I’d do.


All the clever lines I’d come up with, things I could have shouted to claim eye contact and sequentially decide I could cross meeting her off my bucket list, all the preparation of getting the camera app up on my phone so I could snap one in seconds if the moment called, all the times I’d arrogantly claimed I would never be starstruck by celebrities – all of it in vain. Wasted. Mockery.


Because as Taylor Swift stood there ten feet in front of me, I balled my fucking eyes out.



I should probably start telling people I’m turning 12 this December.

11 Comments leave one →
  1. August 3, 2011 6:09 am


    My 12-year old sister LOVES Taylor Swift. So yeah, you’re probably better off claiming pre-teen-hood.

    Love the pictures, and your voice when writing continues to crack me up.

    • August 3, 2011 6:57 pm

      She and I should jam to TSwift sometime! Lol, there was a seven year old beside me at the concert and we had so much fun singing and dancing. I was mostly just relieved her parents didn’t think I was a pedophile or anything! I made a big deal about pointing out where my mom was sitting up in the balcony, haha.

      Thanks, by the way! I really appreciate it! 😀

  2. August 3, 2011 3:32 pm

    God, that was hilarious. I do hope she sings at your wedding. You should be about 18 by then…still too young to be married. 😉

    • August 3, 2011 6:53 pm

      Hahahaha, I never thought about that! Maybe by then I’ll be lying about my age in the opposite direction, and my beau will think he’s so lucky to have a 100 year old who looks like she’s in her twenties! Oh, wait. I prolly wouldn’t want to marry him if he fell for that… but if he’s rich enough to afford a wedding AND Taylor Swift?! I may have to settle!

  3. August 4, 2011 4:26 pm

    I’ll join the party, my 13 year old daughter loves Taylor Swift too. It’s okay to pretend to be younger than you are because as you actually get older you’ll continue to pretend that you’re younger than you actually are… did you get all that? See, you’ll be way ahead of the game!

  4. August 5, 2011 10:06 am

    Could have been worse. You could have been in love with New Kids On The Block like I was.

    Oh, the shame of it!

  5. August 7, 2011 7:51 pm

    I know a lot of people in their mid twenties, including males, that are madly in love with Taylor Swift and her music. I’m pretty sure they all cried at her concert too. So maybe that makes you more mature?

    But I’m with you on the lying about your age to be younger thing. Getting old sucks. I’m sick of being fat and bored, looking forward to things like who’s going to bring in breakfast to the office on Monday morning because I’m going to eat it all and roll around in my fatness and crumbs at my desk while doing nothing. Stay young as long as you can.

  6. August 8, 2011 12:20 am

    Ah, my 8yo would be SO jealous! I love that my daughter can listen to her and I don’t have to worry about anything inappropriate. I also enjoy the music and I am…well, let’s just say I haven’t been your age in a while. 🙂

    Hilarious stuff, as usual.

    • August 8, 2011 12:21 am

      Oh yeah, watch your mouth young lady. 12 year olds shouldn’t talk like that. 😉

  7. August 9, 2011 5:27 pm

    Don’t worry, they make trash bags in white too! I bet you could make it a new trend!

  8. August 13, 2011 6:12 pm

    Hehe another fun post.

    Although I am not a fan…but I admit that Taylor has beautiful voice compare to other young singers.

    Plastic bag for wedding dress doesn’t sound that bad. If you sew it carefuly and nicely…no one will notice it 😉

    Btw, great idea for the schedule. My turtle’s blog also runs in schedule (unlike my blog.)

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