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Dear Grandma

April 4, 2011
Recently I went to the zoo with my friends. It would have
been super-duper-fun if it hadn’t have been super-duper awkward. In order to tell you all about it and still keep things PG, I decided to write about the experience from the perspective of Jake, an eight year old who just visited
the zoo with his dad. Enjoy!


Dear grandma,


Today Daddy took me to the zoo! We had a lot of fun. He says to tell you he won’t be taking me there during “Matey’s Season” anymore, but I think maybe he’s very tired, because we sure didn’t see any pirates there.


We did see some funny looking elephants though. One of them had five legs! But elephants are very nice. Instead of making fun of the five-legged one for being different, one of the mommy elephants gave him a hug! When I told this to daddy, a group of teenagers started laughing really hard. Teenagers are not as nice as elephants.



After the elephants, we went to the dolphin show. But it was not very fun. There was a baby dolphin in the tank and he didn’t like to be splashed, so the other dolphins were not allowed to do any big tricks.


Then we got a snack and watched the lemurs do yoga and give each other massages, and after that we went to see the giraffes! There were four mommies and only one daddy giraffe. It kind of reminded me of my friend Danny who has two mommies, only it was a lot more mommies and a daddy. That baby giraffe must have a lot of grandmas and grandpas living in Florida. If you see them at the zoo down there tell them he is doing very well.



The gazelle also had a lot of mommies and just one daddy. One of the mommies had a stinky bottom, though, because that daddy gazelle followed her around smelling it the whole time we were there.



Last we went to see the dessert animals! They were in a big round house that was very hot. At the end, I saw my favorite animals, turtles! They were trying to play leap frog, but the daddy turtle couldn’t get over the mommy turtle. He kept jumping up and down but he couldn’t get over her. I started to cheer him on, and daddy was very upset. I asked him why I couldn’t cheer them on, and he said it wasn’t appropriate. I asked him why it wasn’t appropriate, but then he pointed to a very pretty bird and so I went to look at that and forgot to ask him about why it wasn’t appropriate. I think I’ll ask mommy tonight though.



Also, I think when you and grandpa come for Christmas this year I would very much like a five-legged elephant.





25 Comments leave one →
  1. April 4, 2011 2:50 pm

    Is that an actual letter?

    • April 4, 2011 2:57 pm

      LOL – no! But thanks for asking – I’ll put up an intro 🙂 This is completely based on what happened when I went to the zoo two weeks ago. Perhaps going to the zoo during mating season was not the best idea….

  2. April 4, 2011 2:55 pm

    fabulous. I was going to take the kids to the zoo but I might wait until “matey” season is over after seeing this. Not in the mood for THAT conversation. Very funny.

    • April 4, 2011 3:03 pm

      Well, if you decide otherwise, I have some hints for you taken from the parents I people-watched. It was the best part of the trip! That whole turtles-having-hanky-panky and child asking about it, then the dad saying “Hey! Look over there! What a pretty bird!” totally happened and totally worked.

  3. April 4, 2011 3:11 pm

    This post made me smile! 🙂

  4. April 4, 2011 4:52 pm

    Adorbz! I would like a framed print of your giraffe graph.

    • April 4, 2011 11:13 pm

      Roz darling, if you remind me closer to your birthday, that framed print is all yours 🙂

  5. April 4, 2011 5:06 pm

    You always find a way to make even stories like this seem funny 🙂
    I had a lot fun of fun reading this, and I think I’ll be avoiding zoos for the time being, “matey season” really isn’t my thing.

    • April 4, 2011 11:17 pm

      Aw, thanks! That really means a lot to me 🙂 And yes, avoiding the zoo is advisable. Matey’s Season is no time to be there. If it isn’t the animals acting peculiarly, it’s a pirate stealing your wallet.

  6. April 5, 2011 10:58 am

    Great story and I love the pictures as well. Can I take that turtles picture 😉
    …and Jake,you’ll know why that isn’t appropriate once you are old enough to know.

    I am planning to go to the zoo this Sunday,I want to captures as a many reptile as possible.

    • April 5, 2011 5:04 pm

      Emily really wanted me to get a picture of it . . . however they finished before I was able to get out my camera . . .

      She was really sad about that . . .

      • April 5, 2011 5:46 pm

        Lol, I think she meant the drawing. No one needs a real picture of turtle sex. Except me. I *am* really sad you didn’t get it 😦

        • April 23, 2011 5:27 am

          Ah yes…I what mommy meant was the drawing…she often confuses between drawing and picture @.@

    • April 5, 2011 5:40 pm

      Of course you can have that picture!!! In fact, I signed it for you! 😀 If you want me to add “To Novia (or Niji)” let me know!


      • April 23, 2011 5:32 am

        Thank you for the sign, Emily.
        We will keep it nicely till we decide to use it on our blog (of course giving all the credit to you).

        I think instead of to our mommy (Novia), can you write to Kame and Kroten 🙂

  7. April 5, 2011 4:26 pm

    LOL..that’s hilarious. My only comparable story. We were at a zoo once, my wife and I and my daughter was just a small toddler. We were standing at the monkey cages with another 20-30 people including lots of young, innocent kids, and clearly one of the male monkeys (or maybe it was an ape) was in “matey season” or had taken a large dose of Viagra. He decided to leap up onto the front of the cage with a very impressive display of his “stuff” showing and screaming and yelling about whatever monkeys scream and yell about. AWKWARD!!!!

    • April 5, 2011 5:44 pm

      Hahaha, what did your daughter say?! I find it fascinating that we’re always taking kids to zoos when they’re definitely more appropriate for an older age group! Although, at least the kids can enjoy it all innocently, while we’re stuck standing there feeling awkward 😉

  8. April 8, 2011 8:03 pm

    Oh, I don’t know Emily – it is certainly a great way to introduce the “birds and the bees” facts to children!

    Great post! Reminds me of some cousins who were coming to spend the school holidays on the farm with us. Their mother asked my mother, since it was lambing season, that if Mum could gently introduce the topic of birth to my cousins, with the lambs being born, she would be really appreciative.

    Despite watching many lambs being born, my cousins would have none of it. They were sticking to the belief they were found under a cabbage.

  9. Cities of the Mind permalink
    April 23, 2011 6:06 pm

    This was aaaaawesome!

  10. July 30, 2011 5:25 pm

    This is great. It reminds me of the short story titled The Zoo that I wrote in first grade. Yes, that was before I pooped my pants. I may have to share sometime.


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